To My Cosmic Life Coach
Are you experiencing setbacks in life? Try this ancient Stoic strategy for a whole new perspective
Are setbacks in life simply tests meant to make us stronger and better, or are they just random acts of chaos arising from a messy world?
Stoic Test Strategy
I listened to a talk recently with Sam Harris and Stoic philosopher and author William B. Irvine on Harris’ Waking Up app. During the interview, Irvine talked about thinking of setbacks in life as tests from a Stoic “god.”
That caught my attention because that’s how I viewed things for a number of years. Earlier in my life, when I was an evangelical Christian, I believed that God loved me and watched over me, but when unpleasant things happened, I figured God was testing me to see how I would respond and whether I could advance to some new spiritual level.
It’s a humbling experience, finding yourself in the middle of a cesspool of misfortune and realizing you’re not thinking loving thoughts. You’re angry or paralyzed with fear or blaming someone or something for what’s happening, when you should have faith that all is well and praise God for the blessing that’s just around the corner.
What Irvine was talking about is a strategy in the Stoic tradition called the Stoic Test Strategy. Here’s how it works: Whenever you have a setback in your life, you respond by assuming it’s a test being administered by a Stoic god. From there, you can afford to believe that things aren’t so dire. You’re just getting a check-up to make sure you’re advancing as a human.
And if there’s another person involved in the situation, someone who plays a major role in the setback, you can assume that he or she is just acting according to the game at play, which has been set up by the gods. That person is oblivious to the fact that they are involved in a game at all. In that sense, they’re innocent.
I don’t know how the Stoic gods compare with the Christian God, but the tests I received under my Christian-God scenario were crazy difficult and damn near fatal.
Pass or fail?
How do you know if you win, or pass, the current test? The gods will not tell you. There’s no grading system in place. Rather, you evaluate yourself. Perhaps you’d do that right before bed, looking at the day’s events. You can say, “Hmmm, when so-and-so was late, was I kind and understanding, or did I stew for hours?” “Was I rude to the customer service person, or did I improve their day by being appreciative?”
Over time, you can take stock of how you’re responding to challenges. Are you falling for life’s scary apparitions, or are you seeing through the camouflage playing out before you?
Given my background, I still feel squeamish about the idea of any gods testing me. But I am grateful for the various coaches and friends and confidantes in my life who have helped me through life’s challenges.
So I created a different entity in my mind. It’s my Cosmic Life Coach. And the way I communicate with my coach is by writing to him (or her; I’m not sure), at least 750 words a day, in an online journal (750words.com) (no affiliate links in this article).
Dear Cosmic Life Coach,
I see that you’re bringing me the most interesting challenges to work through. I have no idea how to proceed. I’m frustrated because I can’t seem to grasp all the legs of this octopus-like situation. But I know this is a test, and I know I’m only in competition with myself.
I think it’s safe to say that we’re testing my patience again. And we’re testing the depth of my love. Will love win out this time? Or will I fall, flattened under fear?
I really appreciate the reminder to act from my heart and make decisions that will bring about the most loving solution. But could you give me a break once in a while so I can catch my breath?
Of course, it’s all tongue-in-cheek. I’m aware that there’s no life coach floating around in the cosmos ready to test me to see if I’m hitting my goals and accomplishing the intentions I’ve set to become a better human.
But it’s helpful to imagine that I have such a being in my life who watches me, witnesses my struggles, and is there to offer support. And it’s helpful to imagine that setbacks are merely tests that give me real-time feedback about my progress.
And there are legitimate reasons this strategy is psychologically sound.
Our three-part brain
As you probably know, our brains have evolved over millennia to become more complex. But we still have the early components we started with — the reptilian part, which is now and has always been purely reflexive. We also have an emotional component in our brain.
And eventually, over hundreds of thousands of years, we developed a rational component. We didn’t evolve to have our rational brain take over the other two parts. Those earlier parts are still there, still online, still affecting the way we operate in the world.
So, we modern humans have a triune, or three-part brain—a reptilian component, an emotional component and a rational component. They interact with each other, and they can conflict with one another. The rational brain may want to be, y’know, rational; but the emotional component might want to indulge in some luscious romantic feelings instead.
The rational part of your brain may want to get plenty of sleep tonight to prepare for a busy day tomorrow, but the reptilian component may be busy imagining perceived threats, making it difficult to rest.
The emotional component and reptilian component are subrational, not to be reasoned with. But the rational part of your brain can enlist the other parts by playing the role of a mental trainer. And with that training, the emotional and reptilian parts can exercise their best qualities and move into the role of cheerleader.
The emotional part wants to get in the game and be involved. With training, it will clap and whoop and celebrate a fantastic win. Meanwhile, the reptilian part aims to keep watching the horse race and record every moment of pulling ahead and falling behind.
“She’s winning, she’s slowing down, she’s falling behind, she’s getting back up, she’s moving forward, she’s winning again.”
The reptilian component loves to provide a constant play-by-play of whatever situation is at hand.
Without the rational mental trainer orchestrating the game, the emotional component would likely curl up in a ball and whimper until the unpleasant setback dissolved. And the reptilian component would be happy to announce every possible danger and every perceived error.
But if they’re intentionally engaged, they bring their talents to the situation at hand, providing energy to succeed in the test.
Daily practice
And so, with that Stoic Test Strategy in mind, I’ve written to my Cosmic Life Coach on many occasions. It’s my way of talking to a god. Not the Christian God or any particular brand of god, but an imagined being who has my best interests at heart and who only wants to make me stronger, smarter, more loving, and more successful in life.
This is a coach who reminds me of my own desires for my best life, who takes me seriously when I say I intend to be loving, kind, compassionate, and curious.
I share my challenges and how I think things are going, and all the ways things seem unfair or uncommon or frustrating. Sometimes it’s a daily list of grievances. Sometimes I seek counsel, but I rarely receive answers, at least not immediately.
Nevertheless, this Stoic Test Strategy reminds me that life can be thought of as a school—a school with no scores or grades, other than those I give myself. It helps me focus on the very best way to approach what’s in front of me with a sense of amusement, and with love, courage and calm.
It’s evolutionary
Does this make any sense, using an imaginary Cosmic Life Coach to help me process life’s tests and trials?
Irvine, the Stoic scholar, assures me that a truly rational person will realize that she is wired by evolution to behave irrationally. We simply can’t stop our emotional and reptilian parts from acting unreasonably.
And so, a truly rational person will unquestionably want the rational component of her brain to play the dominant role in making decisions. A rational person is always ready to employ whatever psychological tools are available to allow the rational component of her brain to harness the power of her subrational parts. It just makes sense.
So, give it a try, if this interests you. Engage your Cosmic Life Coach, Fairy Princess, or Abrahamic or Stoic god when life brings you challenges. When you experience setbacks in life, see the situation as just a test, and employ your triune brain to find the best solution possible.
See if the Stoic Test Strategy works for you in coming up with creative solutions to the setbacks in your life. And then give yourself an “A+” for your extraordinary brilliance.
